After such a wonderful day spent with friends and family, I am taken by surprise at the sadness that overcomes me this evening. For the first time in a long while I find silent tears falling down my face. The bed feels especially empty tonight with Barry gone and I miss the wisdom and the encouraging words that I received several times a day from my dear and blessed friend who is now suffering the ravages of cancer. How sudden things change for us..... for me. I hurt for my friend, I hurt for her family and all who love her, I hurt for me....for the lonliness.... for this sudden pain in my friends life and the lives of her loved ones. I will lose myself in scripture tonight in search of the comfort that I know awaits me there and pray for the wisdom of discernment in my feeble efforts to understand. I pray for the knowledge that He does not intend me to understand all things...and for the faith to give back to Him all the attempts I make to "rationalize" what is happening. In faith I must remain true to His will of obedience and unconditional love. Just now while writing this it hit me just how unconditionally I do love Him. He has given me the grace, that can only come from Holy Spirit, to love Him no matter what happens to me and to those around me. Do I feel sad? Yes. Do I feel pain? Yes. Do I sometimes feel a hopelessness? Yes. Do I ever blame God or turn away from Him? No. I stray into humaness by trying to control things in my life, but I never blame nor take God completely out of the picture. THAT is surely His power...nothing to do with who or what I am. Thank You Father.. I love You.
God has answered so many prayers that continue to be lifted up to Him on my behalf. The one most prevalent now is the peace that just fell over me; the comfort He has laid upon me. Thank you, whoever you are, for the prayers of peace and comfort. He is listening to His children. Alleluia Dear Father. Alleluia.
Amen. Goodnight
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