I'm Ready....I'm Set......

and I'm ready to go!! As a fellow cancer patient shared with me... it's the wait that is the hardest part. I have a sense of that "wait" anxiety. Today especially, I found myself exhausted, ansy and unfocused and utterly disorganized. All I wanted  was to get home, jump in my jammies, and shut down....find some stillness. Well, as it is with best laid plans...... I'm sure everyone knows the rest of that line. I received a call from M.D. Anderson right smack in the middle of handling a situation that without God's presence would have been an episode rather than an O.F.R.O.G. moment. All this to say, I am now in my warm booties, gift from some special ladies, in my jammies with a full belly and my Scabbers is laying next to me all warm and fuzzy.  Still the unrest is with me. As Scabbers snuggles up even closer against me I breathe easier and put some thought behind my anxiety. What has me so uneasy is the lack of control in this situation. Then God reminded me, in His personal way, that I never had control over anything to begin with so why would I think I have control now over the cancer? is this a DUH moment or what? I thank Him for His gentle push on me when I try to mash all the buttons in the cockpit. He reminds me that He is the pilot and I am His vessel. I praise Him for that honor and thank Him for His unfailing love of me.
  The call from M.D. Anderson this afternoon surprised me. I am to have my medi-port surgically implanted Thursday, January 26th. I am to go for a pre-op visit early Wed. morning on the 25th. I will spend the night at Dolores' house Tuesday evening so that I will have a short trip to M.D. I should be home back in Orange by 2 PM Wednesday preparing for my trip back Thursday for the actual procedure and chemo.
I must state here that part of His being in control includes giving me a "Pollyanna" outlook at times.

Pollyanna Views: Positives about my Passionate Path with Cancer:
1. Showed me the measure of my faith.
2. Opened heartfelt conversations between God and many members of my family as well as among ourselves.
3. Opened doors to allow mine and others' Christ Light to shine.
4. Led to relationships with many people I would not have ordinarily known.
5. Gave a reality check to priorities in life and just how many blessings I truly have in my life.
6. Eye witness to many many many miracles all from the result of my circumstances.
7. Feelings of closeness to Christ as my Brother and God as my Father.
8. Have doctors at the most famous cancer center responding to my emails within 24 hours...more often than not much quicker.
9. Friendships strengthened and some formed.
10. Prepared me for much deeper praying for healing for those around me who are in need.
11. Gave me the go ahead for the past two weeks to eat Wendy's hamburgers, french fries, and Frostys.
12. Too many more to mention....
Thank you Father for settling my mind and my heart. I pray for a restful sleep tonight putting on my heart the knowledge that You will never forsake me. As the words to my favorite song by the Casting Crowns say;
Living You loved me
Dying You saved me
Buried You carried... my sins far away
Rising You justified.... freely forever
One day He's coming.... Oh Glorious Day... Oh Glorious Day..

Love you and goodnight,
Patti