Hi all. I have move my blog information to a much friendlier site...M.D. Anderson; https://www.carepages.com/login
Hope to see you there. This one will send emails to you to inform you of any updates.
Love you all
Patti
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Two Down.... Ten to Go... All is Good
First things first... All praises and glory to God our Almighty Father for the miracles He is working in our dear sister Marilyn Crims life. He is leaving His fingerprints on her cancer just as he is leaving them on mine. And for the work He is doing in mine and Laurah Rodger's lives. Healing is abound. What an Amazing, Wonderful, Loving Father we serve. Amen. Amen. Thank You Father...Thank You
What a wonderful way to end a day of chemotherapy. Getting such wonderful news on Marilyn!!! Today was our 2nd treatment and went without a hitch. I say our because I've come to realize Barry as well as mom and too many more to mention are walking with me down this path. Our "Monday Spa and Date Day with Barry" as a friend named it, was Barry's first time at M.D. Anderson. We did what all men "hate to do" and that is talk about his feelings. LOL. He was very candid and wanted to share his take on the clinic. He commented on how the outside of the cancer center/hospital appeared to be so cold...a metal and glass building that looked like any other building downtown. The minute he walked inside, he noticed the warmth and welcoming atmosphere that permeated within the walls. As a matter of fact, I struck up a conversation with a woman in the parking elevator and we laughed. He relaxed a little at that point. As large a facility as this, we ran into her two more times and offered each other well wishes and blessings from God.
When asked about the many many people he saw there, both men and women, he said he was surprised at the numbers of those stricken with cancer and at the noticable different stages of the cancers. He told me how he was moved by my compassion for a lady sitting behind us. The incident slipped my mind..though not my heart. What he was referring to was the fact that there was a sad woman sitting behind us at our first stop in the appointment chain. This is in the diagnostic center for blood drawing, EKG, X-Rays...etc. It is always the most crowded place in the clinic. I overheard the stress in her voice as she ended a phone call. Then I heard her quietly sobbing. God led me to reach into my Pink Mee Maw bag that accompanies me on every M.D. Anderson trip and pull out a handmade, wooden handheld cross with a prayer card attached. (Made for me by a lovely woman at LCI to hand out at the clinic or wherever He moved me to share the faith of Christ.)I turned and rubbing the woman's back, handed it to her without a word. She had such a sad look in her eyes...the look I remember so well. She saw understanding and love in my eyes. I could tell by the way the sadness in her eyes turned into gratitude. I don't know if this was her first "real" appointment or if she was at the same stage as me. I don't know if she was dealing with breast cancer or some other cancer. I don't even know for sure if it was her cancer she was dealing with or that of a loved one. None of that even crossed my mind. All I know is that He showed me that she was in pain and needed the kind comfort that only He can bring. The kind that He provides for me continously. I turned back away from her to give her privacy all the while rubbing her shoulder lightly and praying to God for her peace and comfort and her faith. When I completed the soft prayer, I heard her open the baggie that held the cross. I patted her back and removed my hand. When she finished reading the prayer, her sobbing had stopped. I turned and smiled and as she smiled back she showed me how she held the cross in her hand between her fingers just as it was designed to be held. What a O. F.R.O.G moment. As a few seconds went by, I heard her sniffing as if trying to stop her nose from running. I felt her using her sweater sleeve to wipe away her tears. Since I am an old pro now, I knew where to get kleenix. I brought her a couple of sheets. When I handed it to her I didn't see the heartbreaking sadness in her eyes. He had done what He promised to do. He comforted her. Praise to Him for His magnificence. Thank You Father. Thank You for your steadfast love of us. Amen.
Back to Barry's first day at cancer camp today. He also shared that he noticed how everyone there was somber....all were aware of the fight ahead...and all were there with hope. Like me, he saw this in the large spread of stages people are in with cancer. Some you can tell have been fighting this battle for awhile as indicated by their physical bodies. (Or they have a very aggressive cancer..) Others are like the sweet woman behind me, just beginning to deal with the emotional pain of realizing life is not always 70 years long. I too noticed more somber faces today than usual. Not depressingly somber but more like what Barry called 'Acceptance" faces knowing they have to walk the walk to healing.
Having Barry there was good but I realized that although comforting, God has equiped me with all I need to face these treatments without him there holding my hand. God has filled that void as He has promised. God knows my heart. Had Barry not ever accompanied me I may have never fully realized just how fully God filled that void. Is He not AWESOME in putting His plans to work??
The treatment went well. One difference... I slept all but 15 minutes of the treatment!!!! I mean SLEPT solid. When I awoke, it was 10-15 minutes left to the entire 2 hour 15 minute treatment. Not only that; I fell asleep the minute we hit 610 and woke up when we pulled up into our driveway. Barnaby my Frog and my prayer blanket. both from my LCI family, enveloped me in such comfort and peace that sleep was inevitable. No dreams...no restlessness. Just a sound and peaceful sleep. More evidence of prayers being answered on my behalf. Thank you all..from the bottom of my heart... thank you.
Side effects? Last week I was having severe side effects that I will not mention here. Tonight... not a one!! I had a twinge of muscle pain in my back that I felt this past week and took a mild pain pill. That was 8 hours ago. Not a twinge. Thank You Father for listening to Your children talk with You and accepting their prayers and answering their prayers for relief of pain and healing. I know that You are working in shrinking the tumor. I can feel it. I love You so much God and thank You for the healing blood of Jesus Christ, who loves us as You do. Amen. Amen.
Again, thank you for your prayers and faithful friendship through this God Season we are walking through. Thank you for the prayers for Barry. He has the words to give me when I falter. God is using Him in a mighty way.
We ask for continued prayers for Laurah Rodgers... for complete healing and relief of pain and for regaining her strength as she works through her rehab schedule. Also, for Marilyn Crim who is bringing testimony for God's power and might to us all. That He heals the sores in her mouth and throat caused by the extensive chemo and heal them immediately so that she can nourish her body for complete health. We ask this for these ladies and all others that are battling diseases that strive to take away all dignity. We know in You Father, we have dignity. We are Your children. How more dignified can we be?
We also ask a special blessing to fall over all those in prayer with you God. That You keep their conviction to you alive Father..continuing to awaken their Spirit. We pray that their relationship with You gets stronger each day as they walk through the days that You have given us. We thank You Father and look with anticipation for Great things in these childrens' lives. Amen. Alleulia!! Amen
Loving you all as Christ loves others,
Patti
What a wonderful way to end a day of chemotherapy. Getting such wonderful news on Marilyn!!! Today was our 2nd treatment and went without a hitch. I say our because I've come to realize Barry as well as mom and too many more to mention are walking with me down this path. Our "Monday Spa and Date Day with Barry" as a friend named it, was Barry's first time at M.D. Anderson. We did what all men "hate to do" and that is talk about his feelings. LOL. He was very candid and wanted to share his take on the clinic. He commented on how the outside of the cancer center/hospital appeared to be so cold...a metal and glass building that looked like any other building downtown. The minute he walked inside, he noticed the warmth and welcoming atmosphere that permeated within the walls. As a matter of fact, I struck up a conversation with a woman in the parking elevator and we laughed. He relaxed a little at that point. As large a facility as this, we ran into her two more times and offered each other well wishes and blessings from God.
When asked about the many many people he saw there, both men and women, he said he was surprised at the numbers of those stricken with cancer and at the noticable different stages of the cancers. He told me how he was moved by my compassion for a lady sitting behind us. The incident slipped my mind..though not my heart. What he was referring to was the fact that there was a sad woman sitting behind us at our first stop in the appointment chain. This is in the diagnostic center for blood drawing, EKG, X-Rays...etc. It is always the most crowded place in the clinic. I overheard the stress in her voice as she ended a phone call. Then I heard her quietly sobbing. God led me to reach into my Pink Mee Maw bag that accompanies me on every M.D. Anderson trip and pull out a handmade, wooden handheld cross with a prayer card attached. (Made for me by a lovely woman at LCI to hand out at the clinic or wherever He moved me to share the faith of Christ.)I turned and rubbing the woman's back, handed it to her without a word. She had such a sad look in her eyes...the look I remember so well. She saw understanding and love in my eyes. I could tell by the way the sadness in her eyes turned into gratitude. I don't know if this was her first "real" appointment or if she was at the same stage as me. I don't know if she was dealing with breast cancer or some other cancer. I don't even know for sure if it was her cancer she was dealing with or that of a loved one. None of that even crossed my mind. All I know is that He showed me that she was in pain and needed the kind comfort that only He can bring. The kind that He provides for me continously. I turned back away from her to give her privacy all the while rubbing her shoulder lightly and praying to God for her peace and comfort and her faith. When I completed the soft prayer, I heard her open the baggie that held the cross. I patted her back and removed my hand. When she finished reading the prayer, her sobbing had stopped. I turned and smiled and as she smiled back she showed me how she held the cross in her hand between her fingers just as it was designed to be held. What a O. F.R.O.G moment. As a few seconds went by, I heard her sniffing as if trying to stop her nose from running. I felt her using her sweater sleeve to wipe away her tears. Since I am an old pro now, I knew where to get kleenix. I brought her a couple of sheets. When I handed it to her I didn't see the heartbreaking sadness in her eyes. He had done what He promised to do. He comforted her. Praise to Him for His magnificence. Thank You Father. Thank You for your steadfast love of us. Amen.
Back to Barry's first day at cancer camp today. He also shared that he noticed how everyone there was somber....all were aware of the fight ahead...and all were there with hope. Like me, he saw this in the large spread of stages people are in with cancer. Some you can tell have been fighting this battle for awhile as indicated by their physical bodies. (Or they have a very aggressive cancer..) Others are like the sweet woman behind me, just beginning to deal with the emotional pain of realizing life is not always 70 years long. I too noticed more somber faces today than usual. Not depressingly somber but more like what Barry called 'Acceptance" faces knowing they have to walk the walk to healing.
Having Barry there was good but I realized that although comforting, God has equiped me with all I need to face these treatments without him there holding my hand. God has filled that void as He has promised. God knows my heart. Had Barry not ever accompanied me I may have never fully realized just how fully God filled that void. Is He not AWESOME in putting His plans to work??
The treatment went well. One difference... I slept all but 15 minutes of the treatment!!!! I mean SLEPT solid. When I awoke, it was 10-15 minutes left to the entire 2 hour 15 minute treatment. Not only that; I fell asleep the minute we hit 610 and woke up when we pulled up into our driveway. Barnaby my Frog and my prayer blanket. both from my LCI family, enveloped me in such comfort and peace that sleep was inevitable. No dreams...no restlessness. Just a sound and peaceful sleep. More evidence of prayers being answered on my behalf. Thank you all..from the bottom of my heart... thank you.
Side effects? Last week I was having severe side effects that I will not mention here. Tonight... not a one!! I had a twinge of muscle pain in my back that I felt this past week and took a mild pain pill. That was 8 hours ago. Not a twinge. Thank You Father for listening to Your children talk with You and accepting their prayers and answering their prayers for relief of pain and healing. I know that You are working in shrinking the tumor. I can feel it. I love You so much God and thank You for the healing blood of Jesus Christ, who loves us as You do. Amen. Amen.
Again, thank you for your prayers and faithful friendship through this God Season we are walking through. Thank you for the prayers for Barry. He has the words to give me when I falter. God is using Him in a mighty way.
We ask for continued prayers for Laurah Rodgers... for complete healing and relief of pain and for regaining her strength as she works through her rehab schedule. Also, for Marilyn Crim who is bringing testimony for God's power and might to us all. That He heals the sores in her mouth and throat caused by the extensive chemo and heal them immediately so that she can nourish her body for complete health. We ask this for these ladies and all others that are battling diseases that strive to take away all dignity. We know in You Father, we have dignity. We are Your children. How more dignified can we be?
We also ask a special blessing to fall over all those in prayer with you God. That You keep their conviction to you alive Father..continuing to awaken their Spirit. We pray that their relationship with You gets stronger each day as they walk through the days that You have given us. We thank You Father and look with anticipation for Great things in these childrens' lives. Amen. Alleulia!! Amen
Loving you all as Christ loves others,
Patti
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Dinged and Damaged
Last year while using a mixture of bleach and water, I sprayed the house and the shop. After a couple of days of this chore, I realized that the bleach, having soaked my clothes, landed on and damaged my little necklace. I tried rinsing it off with clean water to no avail. The damage was permanent. I was disappointed because even by my standards of jewelry, I could not be seen wearing something so obviously dinged and damaged. What would people think about me?
Since the confirmation of my breast cancer diagnosis on December 26, 2011, I have been wearing a necklace with a cross given to me by a sweet young child at church. When the all the medical tests began I was unable to wear any neck jewelry. The surgery to place the port in my chest extended the time for me to go necklaceless. (I think I just made up that word.) Thanks be given to God for the answered prayers of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ for all the healings including my chest area from the surgery. Yesterday, I found myself preparing to put on the gift from my little friend when I spied my Faith necklace. It was on top of my jewelry box seemingly lying in wait. Looking at the scarred surface the thought came to me; I am dinged and damaged. As I thought ahead to the hair loss and other bodily disorders caused by my treatment, I was wondering how I would face people. How would I appear to them when I have no hair and other damaged body parts? Then I understood the value of my necklace as only God could intend and it has nothing to do with its monetary value or how it looks around my neck. Rather it has everything to do with not being ashamed of anything that God does not find shame in. He does not find shame in my appearance with or without cancer. He does not concern Himself with superficial things such as types of clothes, hair styles, shoes, necklaces… What He DOES find shame in, is my putting needless worries over things that have nothing to do with my being obedient to Him….things like, what will people think of my baldness…..my weakened state…my scarred necklace. In other words, the value of my Faith necklace is the spirit shown me by God…. Although I am dinged and damaged….I am beautiful to Him.
I thank you Father for the blessings that You give to me, the most undeserving of all your children, through the answered prayers of my Christ family. I praise You and give You all glory for the people You have placed in my life who, through faithful prayer, continue to replenish my Spirit in this fight. I ask Father that you bless all of my First Presbyterian family and those who share their gifts of love in Barry’s and my journey with cancer; those who do so openly and those who do so anonymously, for I know… they are not anonymous to You for You are the All Knowing, All Loving, Victor over All, the Great Physician, and my Wonderful Councilor. I love You Father… Abba.. and I Praise Your Name above all others, now and forever. Amen. Alleulia!!! Amen.
With Love In and Through Christ,
Patti Steele
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Taken by Surprise? Not Him...
Tuesday, the day after what a dear friend called "my day of spa" and "movies", aka (chemo treatment), I was brought back down to the reality of the cancer treatment. ( I am referring to my previous blog about the luxuries provided during chemotherapy.) I was taken by surprise at the severity of the effects one of which was pain under my rib cage on the right side of my back. I was told by everyone that "usually" after a treatment the side effects don't show up until the third day or so. Well, I must be the exception because the not so pretty effects occurred by the time I go home that night.
Although I was not prepared for the suddeness or the severity of the treatment, God was. On my way home from Houston I called Barry to let him know that the first treatment was complete and Leslie and I were on our way home. He informed me that he too was on his way home having just been laid off due to material shortage. My immediate thought was of dread and fear about finances. I didn't say that to Barry thinking it was nothing he could change. As soon as I hung up the phone, Lesilie, sensing my concern, voiced how this was wonderful news. Barry was going to be home with me and what a time to have him. She also said how it was in His plan. What a truthful statement. Barry being home at this precise time was no doubt God's response to what He knew I would need.
I may have been taken by surprise.... but thankfully.. He wasn't. Our God is an Awesome God.
Prayers and Thoughts are filling my life with such blessings. Thank you all.
Love and blessings
Patti
Although I was not prepared for the suddeness or the severity of the treatment, God was. On my way home from Houston I called Barry to let him know that the first treatment was complete and Leslie and I were on our way home. He informed me that he too was on his way home having just been laid off due to material shortage. My immediate thought was of dread and fear about finances. I didn't say that to Barry thinking it was nothing he could change. As soon as I hung up the phone, Lesilie, sensing my concern, voiced how this was wonderful news. Barry was going to be home with me and what a time to have him. She also said how it was in His plan. What a truthful statement. Barry being home at this precise time was no doubt God's response to what He knew I would need.
I may have been taken by surprise.... but thankfully.. He wasn't. Our God is an Awesome God.
Prayers and Thoughts are filling my life with such blessings. Thank you all.
Love and blessings
Patti
Monday, January 30, 2012
First Treatment...et al.
I feel compelled to write and share about exactly what my chemotherapy reigime is all about because it is such a "dark" secret no matter what websites I Google or to whom I speak regarding this area of cancer. It's not a purposeful "dark secret" but rather a "gotta be there to "get it""kinda secret. All experiences are different for each patient and the experiences I have read about or had gathered from conversations, speak of experiences happening later in treatments; not from the onset. This led me to the need to write down my take on the matter while it is fresh on my mind. Please humor me in this as this may be one of very few "comical" takes on the treatment of cancer in relation to chemotherapy.
Picture this:
Scene 1: Doctor's office Patti and her precious daughter-in-law- Leslie - sitting in the doctor's office at M. D. Anderson. In walks a new face, a young lady named Cara who introduces herself as one of the representatives/support person, for me as a participant in the clincal trial. She is very personable, sweet, and compassionate....as are all I have met in this GIANT facility... Cara commences to ask questions... ALL kinds of questions. Upon her departure she informs me that as part of the chemo, I will be administered the following drugs:
1. 15 minutes of benadryl...to ward off any possible allergic reactions to the Taxol - (nighty night)
2. 15 minutes of steroids - to ward off infections in and around my medi-port.(Causes sleeplessness at night and a great increase in appetite..... like I really needed that right?? - Watch out Wendy's.)
3. 15 minutes of some drug that lines my stomach to protect it from the toxicity of the Taxol.
4. Wait 30 minutes....( I slept of course)
5. Taxol for 60 minutes.
All this is fed to me through the port in my chest. One needle stick in the port feeds the juices directly to my juglar vein in my neck. (Not as bad as it sounds.)
Oh..speaking of "fed"...did I mention Cara's departing words to me?? " The steroids will give you a ravenous appetite...EAT!!" I had to laugh out loud... I gained 30 pounds since last April and told her so. I said that appetite was NOT a problem. She seriously said, EAT. DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
Well, who am I to disobey and order like that?? Funny she told me that on the one day I had no appetite. The only reason I ate later was to avoid nausea from the treatment.
Scene 2: The infusion clinic- A literal beehive of activity and of "cells." I call them cells because, like a honeycomb...they are everywhere!!! If a prisoner has a cell like this, all I can say is LOCK ME UP!!! The "cell" is the size of about 1/2 of a regular hospital room. It has a comfortable hospital bed with all the bells and whistles....I know cause I pressed every button. Head up,head down, feet up, feet down, sometimes at the same time. :) A t.v. remote with...are you ready???? my choice of several newly released movies!!! Wow!!! In the waiting room I noticed that "regulars".... you can tell by the lack of hair...were eating before treatment. It occured to me that I hadn't eaten anything but a slice of bread early this morning. I asked the attending nurse if eating was a good thing to do before treatment. She replied with a resounding YES. I replied with a resounding OH! OH! No sooner was the OH OH out of my mouth that a young woman mysteriously appeared with a menu sporting a host of delictable items to choose from. Not wishing to appear "over eager", you know, my first time and all, I settled for a turkey and american cheese sandwich which arrived 10 minutes later on a huge roll, lettuce and tomato, chips, and a homenade lemon cookie...2 to be exact. The fresh fruit was the last to go...but go it did. Heated blankets were layed over me. I remained fully clothed so was quite comfortable. Leslie was craving a milkshake like the one she had on Friday from Dyers ...which by the way is somewhere in M.D. Anderson. I wished her well, began my lunch, and took a deep sigh. Okay... I was dreading chemo...why??? Oh yea!! Cancer. They sure made it as doable as possible.
Scene 3 - The attending nurse came in, started the treatment and within 20 minutes I was in the Goodnight Louise state of mind only to awaken with about 45 minutes or so left of the treatment. I missed the entire movie that Leslie had opted to watch!! I have got to come up with a plan to stay awake long enough to catch a good movie. Needle was flushed...removed...bandaged..then I was patted on the behind and told, "See you next week." Simple as that. Oh. I almost forgot. My phone was dead. I didn't bring a charger thinking this would be a short day. Leslie asked one of the nurses if he happened to have a charger. He brought his, saw that if fit my phone, and let me charge my phone all through the treatment. How cool is that???
Scene 4 - 5:00 PM Downtown Houston Leslie is becoming an expert at 5:00 traffic in Houston. I'm impressed. People are so friendly...just waving and letting us cut in places. (I was told by some M.D. Anderson staff when I reported how considerate the Houston drivers were, that I needed to look close at the hands that were waving and be sure that they are actually "waving" the entire hand. I choose to just go on believing that they are in fact using all five digits when waving in appreciation for my courteous "thank you" wave. On our trip home I received a call from Barry informing methat he and all of the night crew was laid off due to lack of material to begin the job. Of course, he was disappointed but our faith does and will continue to prevail. If my having cancer has a purpose then by George, so will his employment situation. I can't believe He has a purpose in one thing and then doesn't in another can I?
Scene 5 - Home at last Part 1. When I was safely delivered to our home, I did my usual routine of checking the mail. A neighbor who doesn't ever approach me or Barry to talk, not out of rudeness, he is just a very private person, met me at the mailbox and asked how my visits with M.D. Anderson was going. (He lost his wife a few months ago to cancer.) I shared with him the fact that treatments have started and that I have what they consider a "high risk" cancer meaning that there is a high risk of reocurring elsewhere in my body. I told him that these are MAN"S words...not GOD"s. This statement was shared with me by a beautiful Christian woman when she gave me a quick embrace at church Sunday. What a statement to whisper in my ear. A God statement and I thank her with all my heart for allowing God to speak through her. I love you friend...you know who you are.
Scene 6- Home at last Part 2- When I entered our home, carting the mail with me in hand, I began to sort through it. There, among advertisements was an envelope containing the love offering in the form of a check from the EverRibbon website that Jeannie began for me and Barry in support of the extra expenses that would be incurred during this Passionate Path. If that wasn't enough to humble me, another envelope contained a receipt of deposit for reimbursement from my cancer policy for a few expenses. Wow!! All is HIS timing. I humbly gave and continue to give Him all the glory and all the praise for the provisions He has made through His children here on earth. Barry's and my deepest gratitude to you all.
Scene 7 - Bedroom - He led me to open my bible and He brought me to Pslam 71. I inserted Marilyn's name in all the pray-er's places and the word 'cancer" in all the evil spots. What a powerful prayer to pray for my sister Marilyn who by God's hands will be healed. I prayed at the same time the Elders from our Church was praying with Marilyn and her family at her home. Praise to You Father. Amen.
In closing: (at last right?)A few side effects later, not to be mentioned here, are mild. Barry walking in the door, I fell in his arms for a warm embrace, comforting him in his time of confusion and anxiety about his job. We reaffirmed our belief that from all things God has good planned. All is a learning experience...an O.F.R.O.G.
Your most appreciative and grateful sister in Christ, in my "First Treatment, et.al.
God bless,.
Picture this:
Scene 1: Doctor's office Patti and her precious daughter-in-law- Leslie - sitting in the doctor's office at M. D. Anderson. In walks a new face, a young lady named Cara who introduces herself as one of the representatives/support person, for me as a participant in the clincal trial. She is very personable, sweet, and compassionate....as are all I have met in this GIANT facility... Cara commences to ask questions... ALL kinds of questions. Upon her departure she informs me that as part of the chemo, I will be administered the following drugs:
1. 15 minutes of benadryl...to ward off any possible allergic reactions to the Taxol - (nighty night)
2. 15 minutes of steroids - to ward off infections in and around my medi-port.(Causes sleeplessness at night and a great increase in appetite..... like I really needed that right?? - Watch out Wendy's.)
3. 15 minutes of some drug that lines my stomach to protect it from the toxicity of the Taxol.
4. Wait 30 minutes....( I slept of course)
5. Taxol for 60 minutes.
All this is fed to me through the port in my chest. One needle stick in the port feeds the juices directly to my juglar vein in my neck. (Not as bad as it sounds.)
Oh..speaking of "fed"...did I mention Cara's departing words to me?? " The steroids will give you a ravenous appetite...EAT!!" I had to laugh out loud... I gained 30 pounds since last April and told her so. I said that appetite was NOT a problem. She seriously said, EAT. DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
Well, who am I to disobey and order like that?? Funny she told me that on the one day I had no appetite. The only reason I ate later was to avoid nausea from the treatment.
Scene 2: The infusion clinic- A literal beehive of activity and of "cells." I call them cells because, like a honeycomb...they are everywhere!!! If a prisoner has a cell like this, all I can say is LOCK ME UP!!! The "cell" is the size of about 1/2 of a regular hospital room. It has a comfortable hospital bed with all the bells and whistles....I know cause I pressed every button. Head up,head down, feet up, feet down, sometimes at the same time. :) A t.v. remote with...are you ready???? my choice of several newly released movies!!! Wow!!! In the waiting room I noticed that "regulars".... you can tell by the lack of hair...were eating before treatment. It occured to me that I hadn't eaten anything but a slice of bread early this morning. I asked the attending nurse if eating was a good thing to do before treatment. She replied with a resounding YES. I replied with a resounding OH! OH! No sooner was the OH OH out of my mouth that a young woman mysteriously appeared with a menu sporting a host of delictable items to choose from. Not wishing to appear "over eager", you know, my first time and all, I settled for a turkey and american cheese sandwich which arrived 10 minutes later on a huge roll, lettuce and tomato, chips, and a homenade lemon cookie...2 to be exact. The fresh fruit was the last to go...but go it did. Heated blankets were layed over me. I remained fully clothed so was quite comfortable. Leslie was craving a milkshake like the one she had on Friday from Dyers ...which by the way is somewhere in M.D. Anderson. I wished her well, began my lunch, and took a deep sigh. Okay... I was dreading chemo...why??? Oh yea!! Cancer. They sure made it as doable as possible.
Scene 3 - The attending nurse came in, started the treatment and within 20 minutes I was in the Goodnight Louise state of mind only to awaken with about 45 minutes or so left of the treatment. I missed the entire movie that Leslie had opted to watch!! I have got to come up with a plan to stay awake long enough to catch a good movie. Needle was flushed...removed...bandaged..then I was patted on the behind and told, "See you next week." Simple as that. Oh. I almost forgot. My phone was dead. I didn't bring a charger thinking this would be a short day. Leslie asked one of the nurses if he happened to have a charger. He brought his, saw that if fit my phone, and let me charge my phone all through the treatment. How cool is that???
Scene 4 - 5:00 PM Downtown Houston Leslie is becoming an expert at 5:00 traffic in Houston. I'm impressed. People are so friendly...just waving and letting us cut in places. (I was told by some M.D. Anderson staff when I reported how considerate the Houston drivers were, that I needed to look close at the hands that were waving and be sure that they are actually "waving" the entire hand. I choose to just go on believing that they are in fact using all five digits when waving in appreciation for my courteous "thank you" wave. On our trip home I received a call from Barry informing methat he and all of the night crew was laid off due to lack of material to begin the job. Of course, he was disappointed but our faith does and will continue to prevail. If my having cancer has a purpose then by George, so will his employment situation. I can't believe He has a purpose in one thing and then doesn't in another can I?
Scene 5 - Home at last Part 1. When I was safely delivered to our home, I did my usual routine of checking the mail. A neighbor who doesn't ever approach me or Barry to talk, not out of rudeness, he is just a very private person, met me at the mailbox and asked how my visits with M.D. Anderson was going. (He lost his wife a few months ago to cancer.) I shared with him the fact that treatments have started and that I have what they consider a "high risk" cancer meaning that there is a high risk of reocurring elsewhere in my body. I told him that these are MAN"S words...not GOD"s. This statement was shared with me by a beautiful Christian woman when she gave me a quick embrace at church Sunday. What a statement to whisper in my ear. A God statement and I thank her with all my heart for allowing God to speak through her. I love you friend...you know who you are.
Scene 6- Home at last Part 2- When I entered our home, carting the mail with me in hand, I began to sort through it. There, among advertisements was an envelope containing the love offering in the form of a check from the EverRibbon website that Jeannie began for me and Barry in support of the extra expenses that would be incurred during this Passionate Path. If that wasn't enough to humble me, another envelope contained a receipt of deposit for reimbursement from my cancer policy for a few expenses. Wow!! All is HIS timing. I humbly gave and continue to give Him all the glory and all the praise for the provisions He has made through His children here on earth. Barry's and my deepest gratitude to you all.
Scene 7 - Bedroom - He led me to open my bible and He brought me to Pslam 71. I inserted Marilyn's name in all the pray-er's places and the word 'cancer" in all the evil spots. What a powerful prayer to pray for my sister Marilyn who by God's hands will be healed. I prayed at the same time the Elders from our Church was praying with Marilyn and her family at her home. Praise to You Father. Amen.
In closing: (at last right?)A few side effects later, not to be mentioned here, are mild. Barry walking in the door, I fell in his arms for a warm embrace, comforting him in his time of confusion and anxiety about his job. We reaffirmed our belief that from all things God has good planned. All is a learning experience...an O.F.R.O.G.
Your most appreciative and grateful sister in Christ, in my "First Treatment, et.al.
God bless,.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
It is with much sadness...
After such a wonderful day spent with friends and family, I am taken by surprise at the sadness that overcomes me this evening. For the first time in a long while I find silent tears falling down my face. The bed feels especially empty tonight with Barry gone and I miss the wisdom and the encouraging words that I received several times a day from my dear and blessed friend who is now suffering the ravages of cancer. How sudden things change for us..... for me. I hurt for my friend, I hurt for her family and all who love her, I hurt for me....for the lonliness.... for this sudden pain in my friends life and the lives of her loved ones. I will lose myself in scripture tonight in search of the comfort that I know awaits me there and pray for the wisdom of discernment in my feeble efforts to understand. I pray for the knowledge that He does not intend me to understand all things...and for the faith to give back to Him all the attempts I make to "rationalize" what is happening. In faith I must remain true to His will of obedience and unconditional love. Just now while writing this it hit me just how unconditionally I do love Him. He has given me the grace, that can only come from Holy Spirit, to love Him no matter what happens to me and to those around me. Do I feel sad? Yes. Do I feel pain? Yes. Do I sometimes feel a hopelessness? Yes. Do I ever blame God or turn away from Him? No. I stray into humaness by trying to control things in my life, but I never blame nor take God completely out of the picture. THAT is surely His power...nothing to do with who or what I am. Thank You Father.. I love You.
God has answered so many prayers that continue to be lifted up to Him on my behalf. The one most prevalent now is the peace that just fell over me; the comfort He has laid upon me. Thank you, whoever you are, for the prayers of peace and comfort. He is listening to His children. Alleluia Dear Father. Alleluia.
Amen. Goodnight
God has answered so many prayers that continue to be lifted up to Him on my behalf. The one most prevalent now is the peace that just fell over me; the comfort He has laid upon me. Thank you, whoever you are, for the prayers of peace and comfort. He is listening to His children. Alleluia Dear Father. Alleluia.
Amen. Goodnight
Covered in Blessings
Barry and I look forward to Sunday service every week. I am so thankful that my personal desire to attend has grown to be much more than the "feel good" about attending that I began with early in my relationship with Christ. ( I can't speak for Barry but I'd bet the farm that he feels the same way.) Over the past 6 years as a member of First Presbyterian Church of Orange, the fellowship from the faithful congregation, has lead to a growth in faith that cannot be matched. He allowed me to face some challenges and has both humbled and strengthened me in the process. Our Almighty God has shown me that His path is not always about "feeling good" about things but rather about delving into His word to use as both a weapon against both the flagrant evil and the subtle evil that surrounds us and as a foundation of strength to speak boldly of the mysteries of His gospels. I see this strength and feel this strength from those with whom I worship with at First Pres. Today, during service and at the community meal, I felt the love and the outpouring of faithful prayers layed at the foot of the cross for my healing and for the encouragement for Barry through this ordeal.
Thank You God, thank You Father. You are the One Provider Who loves me beyond all measure.
Amen. Amen.
Tomorrow is the day for my first treatment. The prayers of others are being answered in the strength He provides and the comfort.
Thank You God, thank You Father. You are the One Provider Who loves me beyond all measure.
Amen. Amen.
Tomorrow is the day for my first treatment. The prayers of others are being answered in the strength He provides and the comfort.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Post Medi-Port Implant
Barry came home this weekend as scheduled. It is so nice having him here especially in the evenings. We are thinking that he will be able to come home for the next couple of weekends at least. That knowledge brings a smile to my face. I wonder if he will be home when my hair loosens and begins to fall. I'll have to ask him before he leaves Sunday whether or not he wants to be here when I have a head shaving party. As unappetizing as it sounds, I still want to at least offer him to be a part of as much as this Path as possible. Guess what!!!!??? Thanks to a friend from my MMT class, I now have SKYPE!! Not only do I have it, I used it to Skype with my daughter and family this morning. How cool is that??? I'm hoping to use this form of communication to allow her and my grandkids to share the metamorphis that I will undergo with chemotherapy. That way no one will be shocked when visiting in person. Holly, my daughter, has taken up crochetting. (spelling?) She will attempt to make me a hat. I was telling a friend that since Holly is a beginner I may be wearing a hat as a sweater. LOL I like the idea of having something so personal against my scalp. Also, a friend of mine from S. Carolina who sews is making me some head scarves. What a neat idea!! I've shared with you before that I bought some hats. I like them but am so excited about having something made for me with love from friends and family.
The medi-port surgery Thursday went well. I am a bit sore but nothing unbearable. I really took the doctor's advice and rested..totally rested. I took a short trip today and decided it was a bit too soon. I'll lay low tomorrow after church. I am so thankful for my daughter-in-law and her willingness to drag me to my treatments beginning Monday. She has been through this with her mother and is well versed in how to prepare for the day. She is excellent company and a joy to be around. She looks at this ministry as an opportunity to do God's work. What a blessing it is to nurture a relationship with Leslie. Just one more good thing to come out of this cancer. Thank you Father.
I now have a "lump" of a different sort under my skin on my chest. It feels quite odd and not as threatening as the tumor. The tumor is painful and noticeable. Because of the size, M.D. Anderson's professional opinion is to do the chemotherapy first, see if we can shrink the tumor, then do the surgery with radiation. I was told that although the first 3 months of chemo will be rough, the last 3 months' cocktail will be expodentially worse in side effects. (Sometimes I wonder if it would be best for them to keep that kind of information to themselves until the patient actually experiences the side-effects??) Knowledge is power right? If God is with us, who can stand against us?
My little frog friend given to me by a special group of teachers on my campus, now has a name. His name is Barnaby. This name, in Hebrew, translates to "comfort." I thought how fitting!! I found myself talking to this cute little guy while riding with Barry today as he completed some errands. Barnaby came in handy for supporting my left arm, the side the medi-port was placed. (They placed the port on the opposite side of the side with the tumor.) I will include a picture of him in my truck.
Monday will find me once again in Houston where I feel right at home. I will report to a section that specializes putting the invusion needle into my port then I will report to the area in the clinic that administers the chemo. I pray that the first treatment allows me to return to work on Tuesday to finish out the week.
A very dear friend of mine and a spiritual mentor to me was diagnosed with liver cancer this past week. I find myself wrapped up in prayer and meditation for her and once again in the realization of just how devastating cancer can be to our lives and the lives of all around us. Families are brought to places that seem to be hopeless. They struggle to find something.. anything to do to make us better. All control that we thought we had, is taken away from all involved. Without our dependance on God I don't know what we would do..where would we go? Knowing that we don't have all the answers to the whys and hows but God does, somehow makes the journey a little easier. If I thought for a moment that this cancer was a result of something I did or didn't do in the sight of God, then that would mean I could buy God's favor which strongly goes against His word. He GAVE me His Grace through His Son Jesus Christ. Through Jesus I am redeemed. If I don't believe that, then I am telling God that I think He is a liar. Aint happening on my shift... I guarantee. My prayers tonight are for my dear friend for complete and utter healing by the hands of our great Father. She is a faithful servant and I have no doubt that He is pleased with her. He is holding her in His hand. I love You Father..Abba. Amen
The medi-port surgery Thursday went well. I am a bit sore but nothing unbearable. I really took the doctor's advice and rested..totally rested. I took a short trip today and decided it was a bit too soon. I'll lay low tomorrow after church. I am so thankful for my daughter-in-law and her willingness to drag me to my treatments beginning Monday. She has been through this with her mother and is well versed in how to prepare for the day. She is excellent company and a joy to be around. She looks at this ministry as an opportunity to do God's work. What a blessing it is to nurture a relationship with Leslie. Just one more good thing to come out of this cancer. Thank you Father.
I now have a "lump" of a different sort under my skin on my chest. It feels quite odd and not as threatening as the tumor. The tumor is painful and noticeable. Because of the size, M.D. Anderson's professional opinion is to do the chemotherapy first, see if we can shrink the tumor, then do the surgery with radiation. I was told that although the first 3 months of chemo will be rough, the last 3 months' cocktail will be expodentially worse in side effects. (Sometimes I wonder if it would be best for them to keep that kind of information to themselves until the patient actually experiences the side-effects??) Knowledge is power right? If God is with us, who can stand against us?
My little frog friend given to me by a special group of teachers on my campus, now has a name. His name is Barnaby. This name, in Hebrew, translates to "comfort." I thought how fitting!! I found myself talking to this cute little guy while riding with Barry today as he completed some errands. Barnaby came in handy for supporting my left arm, the side the medi-port was placed. (They placed the port on the opposite side of the side with the tumor.) I will include a picture of him in my truck.
Monday will find me once again in Houston where I feel right at home. I will report to a section that specializes putting the invusion needle into my port then I will report to the area in the clinic that administers the chemo. I pray that the first treatment allows me to return to work on Tuesday to finish out the week.
A very dear friend of mine and a spiritual mentor to me was diagnosed with liver cancer this past week. I find myself wrapped up in prayer and meditation for her and once again in the realization of just how devastating cancer can be to our lives and the lives of all around us. Families are brought to places that seem to be hopeless. They struggle to find something.. anything to do to make us better. All control that we thought we had, is taken away from all involved. Without our dependance on God I don't know what we would do..where would we go? Knowing that we don't have all the answers to the whys and hows but God does, somehow makes the journey a little easier. If I thought for a moment that this cancer was a result of something I did or didn't do in the sight of God, then that would mean I could buy God's favor which strongly goes against His word. He GAVE me His Grace through His Son Jesus Christ. Through Jesus I am redeemed. If I don't believe that, then I am telling God that I think He is a liar. Aint happening on my shift... I guarantee. My prayers tonight are for my dear friend for complete and utter healing by the hands of our great Father. She is a faithful servant and I have no doubt that He is pleased with her. He is holding her in His hand. I love You Father..Abba. Amen
Oh... I just got a Skype invitation from Holly. All the kids were there and I was able to model my hats. What fun. Thank You God for all I have in my life and the knowledge that all is Yours. Thank You for the people You have strategically placed in my Path who do Your will. Goodnight Abba, Goodnight King.. Goodnight Almighty God who lives in all of us. Amen. Alleluia Amen
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